Xena in the City

Did i marry the right Person???

2010-07-01T05:30:00.000-07:00

Interesting reading by Mort Fertel-World class marriage counsellor. Thot to share.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?' I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?' Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can

Remember this always:
'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship.

The Gold Digger in Me

2010-06-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

Article below was wriiten by certain lady. Some aspects i agree with while some, i am still trying to decide but all in all makes for good reading so thought to share.

Every woman is a Gold digger. We just use different tools, some use cranes, some tractors, others straws and the rest, spoons. (Glory Edozien, 2009)

The above statement was once my facebook status message and I sincerely doubt that my profile page has been any busier after that day.

When I was younger I believed in unconditional love.I dated guys with empty pockets, stingy dudes who would rather pretend to be broke than loan their mother 10 bucks. But it didn’t matter to me. Everything I have ever wanted, I have bought with my own money. So whether a guy spent money on me or not, had a good car or not, or lived with his parents at the age of 30, I wasn’t bothered. Instead I believed in ‘building with my man’. The naïve little girl in me actually believed that ‘if you are with a man when he has nothing, he will always remember you when he has something’.

Fast forward a couple of years and throw in the speed bumps and punches of life, and I am a completely different person. Well maybe not totally different, just wiser and smarter. Wise enough to know that a stingy man in his 30’s will be an even stinger man in his 40’s and that the only loyal mammals on earth are dogs not humans. Smart enough to realise that it is important for a man to have his own things and be financially capable of taking care of me and our future children and not be ashamed to let him know that his ability to fulfil those roles impact greatly on our relationship.

Let’s be honest girls, men waste no time in letting us know what they want in the kitchen or in the sack. They don’t bat an eyelid when they say ‘oh this girl is not my type’, ‘she is too fat’, ‘she is too thin’, ‘she isn’t yellow enough’, ‘she can’t cook’, ‘I don’t like her mother’, ‘she is an aje butter’. So why is it that when we are seeking to legitimately secure our future and those of our children we are automatically labelled derogatory terms such as ‘gold digger’.

However with every good bunch of grapes there is always the sour one which makes you think the rest maybe just as bad! Take for instance a guy I went on a date with some time last year (lets call him Uche). We met up at a swanky bar in London and he was absolutely stunned when after scanning through the drinks menu filled with expensive drinks that I opted for lemonade (£5.60) instead of something pricier. He told me of a girl who he had met for the first time at a similar priced bar who had ordered a bottle of Louis Roederer Crystal Rose Champagne on his tab—a £500 bottle of champagne. Although he claimed he could easily afford it, he made it clear to her that he thought it was outrageous for her to order such an expensive drink. The poor girl was so embarrassed she changed her order to a bottle of mineral water!
Another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend because, as he put it, ‘he was tired of being her daddy’. According to him she asked him for everything under the sun. Money for hair extensions, cloths, bags, shoes, petrol, make up and would get very upset or even withhold ‘extracurricular affairs’ if he delayed payment. The final straw came when she bought a set of matching gold earrings, necklace and bracelet worth N450, 000 and sent the trader to his office to harass him for the money!

So yeah, I agree. There are ‘some’ girls who put the ‘gold’ in gold digger but these are extreme cases. Most regular women folk aren’t walking around like the devil, seeking a man’s money to devour! They just want to be sure their man can afford to take care of them and will happily supplement his income to ensure the smooth running of the home. However, in today’s relationships where the woman is already playing wife while she is girlfriend (cooking, cleaning and bedroom duties), I think it’s only fair for the man to start playing husband too.

Every man should take pride in being able to afford to take care of his woman. Personally I cannot be with a man who does not see me eye to eye on this issue and I am not ashamed to say so. Nowadays before I date a guy he must pass the financial acid test. Good job, good car, nice flat, generous with dollops of ambition and drive! Gone are the days were I was fasting and praying for a man to buy his first car only for him to put another woman in the front seat. And ahh, my mother didn’t raise no fool! I will fast and pray with you for that promotion, while the AC of your current car is blowing me in the face. I will get up and seek the Lord early in the morning for his salary increase when I have recovered from our romantic getaway in Dubai . I will cook the best tasting Egusi soup known to man while I am in his fully fitted kitchen and furnished home. I will hold his hand through all of life’s ups and downs while he treats me like the princess I deserve to be.

And if all this makes me a gold digger, then I’ll say it loud and hard, I am digging for gold and I’m proud!

and she had an affair!

2009-11-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

Was it lust,boredom, a need for revenge or pure boredom or maybe it was just adventure? She was married,had a loving husband,beautiful kids,happy home,great job and most of all she loved the Lord,yet she did.Without fear,without remorse for at least 6 month.She said it was passionate,mad,crazy just like in the movies-clearing stuff on the table,rammed up against the wall,obscure corners,dirty talk on phone. She said it was worth every second of it, but she would never do it again. Oh,he was married too and she knew his wife too!

Now what scared me was she found it hilarious,she thought it was funny,she had no remorse.She said she found him attractive and could not resist so who is to say she wont do it again when she meets another attractive guy?

I have learnt time and time again not to be quick to judge or vouch for anyone cos sometimes even the most sensible people do the most stupid things. Makes me then realise that if not for the Grace of God,where would we be. That a person is able to resist temptations,act right at all times and do sensible things is purely by God's grace.

What chance does the Mrs have?

2009-11-16T02:03:00.000-08:00

Kiki was not too pretty,not too tall,not posh,not too shapy.Infact Kiki was average in a lot of things but Kiki had one thing going for her,Kiki had perfected the art of taking care of a man preferably another woman's man.

So one day,i visit Kiki at home.She is cooking-asu waiting for the Mr,the one who gets off work and instead of heading home heads to the ''other woman's'' arms. Her phone rings and he says he is 10 minutes away from her place. Off she runs upstairs, quickly showers,changes into a sexy top,sprays room fragrance and slips an Anthony Hamilton CD into her CD player.Off goes the lights,on comes the scented candles adorning the walls of the room.

So in walks Mr tired from work to a nice smelling room,a glass of wine and freshly made asu, nice romantic atmosphere created and a woman whose only duty is to cater to the needs of his loins.

and i sat there and had an epiphany-it is never quite jazz when a man walks away from his wife to the other woman.Sometimes she just appears more exciting cos she does not have to contend with the day to day hassle of having a career,running his home and caring for kids which leaves her little or no time for anything else let alone dressing sexy and lighting candles.

But what the other woman forgets is that what goes around comes around,so when she does succeed in making him leave his wife for her and she now becomes the Mrs possibly,she would also lose the ability to do what made her the other woman he spent quality time with and she now becomes the ''Mrs'' who never sees her husband.

So 'mrs', you might never really have the time or liberty to cater to your man like ''her' but you can try. It's you he once loved,thought good enough to make the mother of his kids so wake up and take your position. You might not light candles but you sure can listen to how his day was,you might not have time to change to sexy clothes cos he walked in while you were breastfeeding or doing juniors homework but when you do get to the bedroom,why wear a boring nightie? Inplace of Anthony Hamilton, what if he hears you with your voice raised in prayer to JC for Him, your home and his success? What's more sexy than that?

Wake up and do your thing. Like i say, die trying, marriage is a life long project. Plan and execute it in stages, changing, adapting, raising the bar until you get what makes your home a sanctuary of joy, peace and love.

What do men really want?

2009-11-10T07:02:00.000-08:00

Yea yea, ye another piece on what men want, need, how to keep him bla bla bla. I am of the school of thought that says that no formula works because people process information and situations differently based on bakground, past history etc so to put all in one box and label it is the first mistake to make. So instead of what men want, why not what and how does God expect us to behave? So:

1. Guy does not want a girl that sleeps with him on the first day-should it not be that as a child of God ,HE does not ever want you to sleep with a man you aint married to, why should he get the conjugal rights belonging to the one who was denied one extra rib to create you? Comon, it's only fair he get it not some loser who has done nothing to earn it.

2.Never lose your independence- that's a no brainer, are you his twin, did you come to this world together and i can assure you, he will cancel his plans with you in a sec to hang with the boys so why does your life halt cos you are dating? Have finished the assignment God sent you on? Have you created your legacy, have you impacted a life, become a change agent or you are waiting for him to come visit you so you can cook and clean up after him yet again when he has not even uttered 'M' let alone marriage to you?

and the list goes on.....

Don't misunderstand me, i am all for nurturing your relationship so it matures into something fruitful but at what price? What about just being like the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman? Should that be the standard we should attain regardless of status? Which right thinking man would see that Virtous woman and not desire her? so for me, it is not realy about him and what he wants but what we need to be that we might glorify JC with our lives.

I do know one thing, men are hunters by nature and trust me even when you are not following any of the laid down rules, principles, dos and donts etc, he will find you somewhere, somehow so why not just be yourself, enjoy the time God has given you to be single and just get to a place where he becomes a bonus to who you are and not the main price.

Can Martians and Venites just be friends?

2009-09-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

Boy meets girl, boy never makes any advances or shows any untoward interest towards anything more than frienship with girl.

One day, Boy calls girl and says i have a surprise for you. Keep your day free. Girl gets all dolled up. They drive to a house in L1 and right behind is a speed boat parked and rearing to go! Off they go to a private beach house miles away from town. White sand, soft music, quad bikes, bufffet spread with every delight you can find plus botlles of rose moet to go.

So now tell me, what should a girl think? Is he interested or not? Can a man and woman ever really be friends without one perosn having an ulterior motive or getting romantically involved? My mum can be a bit old school on this issues and she firmly believes male and female cannot be friends. I don't know-yet to figure that one out ut i do have a ton of male friends and so far we are just still friends.

i really dk.

The other Brotha

2009-09-25T02:25:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this piece, thought to share it just incase someone out there has cold feet about ''the other brotha''

There was a time when light-skinned brothas were in...then it went to dark-skinned brothas being in...and going back and forth. But now it's the "other" brothas that's in. Tall, dark (features) and handsome is officially out. The "other" brotha is now in. Who is the "other" brotha? He's that short, not so attractive brotha that is always hollering at you. You know, the one you don't find attractive or tall enough.

If you are like me, you have often seen beautiful women with short and/or ugly (for lack of a better word) men and asked yourself "why?". Even beautiful women like Janet Jackson with Jermaine Dupri or Beyonce Knowles with Jay-Z. They like me, have finally figured it out. It's the "other" (short, unattractive), brothas that treat you right.

Ask yourself this:

1. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy looked you into your eyes and told you how beautiful you were or how special you were?
2. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy gave you a back rub or a foot massage?
3. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy bought you flowers?
4. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy took you to a nice restaurant or spent some quality time with you...outside of spending time in the house/in the bed?
5. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy said something sweet and impromptu to you?
6. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy did something spontaneous and romantic?
7. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy actually took an interest in you and the things you like?

There's a difference between someone asking you a question because they are interested and because they are being courteous. You should want him to be interested and not asking you "how's your day" out of routine and cordiality.

I bet some of you couldn't even tell me the first time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy did any of those things much less the last time.

What's more important to you - being with someone who looks good or being with someone who makes you feel good?

Now I am not saying go find you a brotha who's Biz Markie ugly, but give the "other" brotha a chance. The one that's in your office and always notice when you change your hair, your perfume, or get a new outfit. The one that always compliments you. The one that takes you by the hand and looks you in the eye and tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

The "other" brotha on the internet (cause you know some of us meet brothas on the net) who writes you such lovely poems and sweet sentiments. Now be honest when was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy said or did anything that made you feel like the Queen you are? Leave Mr. Nonchalant, Nonaffectionate, Nonappreciative alone and get with the "other" brotha.

I am 36 and I have spent 20 years looking and spending (scratch that), wasting my time with Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy only to be left feeling taken for granted, unappreciated, unloved to finally realize I am worth so much more than that. I finally gave the "other" brotha a chance and I am now wearing a 4-carat platinum ring on my finger.

Now you don't have to take my advice, but at least re-evaluate your current relationship/pattern.

And to all my brothas who read this email. Take heed. Especially Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy, because for every compliment, back rub, foot massage, candlelit dinner that you don't do for the lady in your life...there's the "other" brotha who will.

Written by: Jocelyn Kane, soon to be Mrs. Jocelyn K. Arrington

Lethargy in Babylon

2009-08-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

There is no rest in Babylon....deadlines,targets,deliverable,KPIs,SLAs,performance, reports...the endless lingo of the corporate world that seeks to drain and squeeze every ounce of life and joy out of any zionite.

Is it only me who experiences this but do you feel sometimes like the more you give to meet with the demands placed on you by Babylon, the less results you get? When you exchange your time being watered by the fresh due of JC for time in board meetings, training sessions, listening to unreasonable clients and ever demanding bosses..Not that i am subscribing to laziness and a lackadaisical attitude to work but is it worth all the hassle. Appearing all glamorous on the outside but totally exhausted, drained and spent on the inside and having no time to appreciate the beauty of the world, existing and not living.

Won't we rather be in the place of rest and peace with JC, Changing lives, doing His will, trusting and being and knowing He will sort us out eventually.

Maybe someday, somehow, we will find the strength to walk away from Babylon!

Mum to her daughters

2008-08-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

I was going through mails looking for old pics and saw the very first mail my mum sent i and my sister after she learnt how to use a PC. It brought tears to my eyes again and so i share it....

Hello my Dear Daughters,

How are you girls doing? I hope great.

I know that right now all of you are busy at one stage in your lives or the other... either with your careers!, school!, travel!, relationships?,etc.

I just took out this time to let you know that i'm so so proud of you girls! You have been a source of Joy in our lives from the day you were born.

You girls have always been Shinning Stars, Princesses, Rare Gems, ROYALTY!

At times, i try to think to think of a time when either of you has caused your dad and i trouble or pain......................but you know what? That is like searching for a needle in a haystack! Not 1 memory of such!

I'm proud of you my Angels, i know that God would bless you with Men that would wake up every morning, thanking God that they have you for their wives! Men that would love you for who you are! Men that would see the most annoying things/flaws in you (if any) and love you for those same reasons, men that would be great husbands, wonderful fathers, lovely brother inlaws, caring son inlaws, super uncles etc! God fearing, wealthy decent, good looking men.

My darling daughters, just watch and see! Its a principle of life! It has no choice but to happen! Because "whatsoever you sow, that shall you reap". You have sown goodness into life, and from life you shall reap goodness and greatness.

I'm content as a mother, because i have fulfiled the scriptures "train up a child the way she should go and when she is old, she would not depart from it", and you, my daughters, have also fulfilled your part of the scriptures.........

I love you all,

With love,
Mom love

Worry to weariness.

2008-08-12T04:34:00.000-07:00

I am worried about something. I never used to be worried about not being married for Jesus said i should not be anxious about anything but make my request known to GOD and that peace that surpasses all human understanding will trancede my heart and mind plus I actually do enjoy being single but lately i have become worried about not being worried that i am still single and somehow have now managed to get myself worked up about the whole thing.

Now what's a girl to do?I can't ask myself to marry me, i can't caox or strategize into marriage and i sure cannot trap anyone into marriage with me so that leaves me with one option?Wait upon the Lord. Most people say even when waiting i should be more proactive about it but how?

Go out more ...somehow i am one of those girls who guys never walk up to ask out..someone said i looked very unapproachable and it does not help i have a very expressive face so i wear all my emotions and thoughts on my face. Besides, there's hardly anywhere for christians to hang out here and it's like one big recycle bin , the usual suspects up to the same old thing..what a drag!

Keep an open mind- then i start getting innundated with phone calls at all times of day and night which really irritates me to a point of snapping

In church-Let's not even go there.Between being busy on sundays and being in leadership, smehow that combination deters any potentials

At work- pls read a previous post 'where art all the fine guys' and know there is no hope there.

Through friends-that one is story for another day

So what's a girl to do then? I honestly dk.

Laminin

2008-07-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

Of course God created the whole world and all that is within it. Those people who doubt should have stopped to think there is an intelligent design behind the make up of the human body that could not have been formed by any big bang theory.

Col 1:15-17 says “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth , visible and invisible,whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;all things were created by him and for him.He is before all things,and in him all things HOLD TOGETHER. ”

Watch the video and never doubt that God is our creator. I sure was wowed by this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Facebook or Intrusion

2008-07-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Why do people send you friend requests when they were never really your friend?

Why do people on FB make silly and dry comments on your profile?

Why do people poke you on FB?

Why do people send you all sorts of requests, invitations etc

Why do people post weird status updates on their profile?

Why do people ssuggest their own friends to you like you don't know people who are your friends or how to find them if you really wanted to?

Why on earth would someone's first comment to you after not seeing or hearing from you in at least be 10 years be "so you are not married yet"?

Why would someone send you a friend invite if they have to reintroduce themselves to you?

Why Why Why?

AWOL

2007-12-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Wow.............where do i start?

Not been near this blog in a month.Barely had a minute to catch my breath.

What have i been up to?

In the last 4 months, i have

Changed jobs
Been to the UK
Gotten involved in a project in church
Visited 10 Nigerian cities i have never been to before (and no it was not a pleasure trip)
Had a car engine pack up
Moved houses
Made up with a someone i have not spoken to in 3 years
etc etc etc

I honestly know not where to start.....so much has happened...real cocktail of events but one by one they will all come out.

Meanwhile,Update on naija men and mojo, two weeks ago, i went to have a meal with a friend(truly) and saw a bill board with the picture of this girl wearing a green dress.So typical female reaction i said i liked the dress and thought it was very pretty. Now fast forward, 2 weeks later, the guy goes to the billboard, sketches the dress and takes it to Tiffany Amber to replicate.Madam TA refuses as she only makes her own designs so off he goes to another top notch designer called OM for short.OM says he would have to pay N175 000 for her to make the dress....i mean common.That dress could not have been more than 3 yards in total so what exactly was she charging for? Even the sales girls told him she was just trying to exploit him cos he sounded so desperate for the dress. I think that's a sweet gesture but why should anyone pay over $1000 for a dress when it's not Salvatore Ferregamo ? I hope he finds someone else to make it cheaper but it better be done in brotherly love as this girl ain't got anything to pay back with...abi? I will keep you posted on the dress and upload the pix if it comes.

Fine black brothers-Where art thou?

2007-11-06T01:13:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me a mail yesterday about the lack of fine black guys in her office and just thought to share it.

She says:
i was just thinking, actually i was daydreaming whilst my 2hrs team meeting was going on. That should tell you how attentive i was in the meeting and how much i was enjoying it. Anyways as I was saying, i asked myself this question: 'where are all the nice, fit, intelligent, respectable, fine looking black guys? and why do I not have them in my office?' I've been out of university for over 5years and in full time employment since and not at one job did i ever share an office with a nice looking black brother. I was thinking, imagine if there was at least one, work would be so much better and i'm sure i'd love to come to work everyday and attend every meeting. no meeting will be boring if one of these guys was chairing or facilitating it.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not looking for a guy to date or have office romance with, neither am i looking for an office fling(oyinbo/brunnie style). not my style!
I just thought it'd make work a nicer place.

Okay maybe you're not getting it. Let's illustrate
Imagine the younger version of Denzel Washington for example. A black bro who has confidence, can hold his own, intelligent, God fearing and has a good head on his shoulder. Someone who either holds a managerial position or even a colleague in your office. Someone who knows his roots and not a coconut. Not someone who wants to date you but one to have intelligent conversations with.
would it not be nice to have someone like that around especially as we spend the majority of our live at work!

Question: Maybe it's because i'm in the public sector? Is there anyone out there that has such a guy in their office? Sometimes I see them on the train in the morning and i wonder what they do and who they work for? or maybe they're all in IT or some occupation that I don't know about.

Well that is my complain and i want some answers otherwise i'd start my campaign with full force - where are all the fine bros campaign!

Eye candy

2007-10-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Okay....you strut into the office wearing that suit which is quite unlike any of the others or instead of the plain frumpy shirts others wear, yours has the va va voom to it.The guys can't wait to see you every morning while the girls steal jealous glances at you while others are bold enough to ask you where you get your clothes.

My friend "N" works in an office where there is no strict dress code. So while the others go around dressed like they are doing Saturday house work, she puts on a fashion show for them....lets not forget she's smart, hardworking and focused through all of this.

My point is we all know when we are eye candy and trust me..everyone loves it(even spiros).Some of us try to be modest about it and pretend like we don't see the admiring glances from both sexes while some like my sister wants you to recognise.

One day i wore this black dress i got from my girl N.I had multiple meetings and an open day of a new company who has just started operations in Lagos and i was supposed to represent my company as one of their major clients.You should have seen the drama. Every guy i meet that day either opened my car door, pulled my seat out or did something that was just totally out of character for a naija man.It was hilarious.I couldn't stop laughing at the effect i had.

So till next time, go and be eye candy for the day..It just might cheer up someone's day seeing you or having something to admire. ...if u get me....wink wink!oh and my favourite shop.....Zara any day www.zara.com and see the online shop starting in 3 days at www.zarahome.com

Potential yawa in-waiting-intro

2007-10-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

I am having a major crisis at work now but the truth is i can't talk about it just yet much as i want to. This calls for prayers, it's about taking responsibility for a slip up which i am partly responsible for. In Times like this i remember Phil 4:6 ...don't be anxious/ worry about anything but with prayers and thanksgiving make your request known to God that the peace that passes all human understanding can guide your hearts and mind as you live in Christ Jesus

I will gist you about this later this week.

Fridays and sickies

2007-10-19T05:14:00.000-07:00

I am at work today and can you believe 70% of the office has pulled a sickie today? Some asked from yesterday for a day off and others came in pulling sick faces and asked to be let off for the day and it's just gone past 12noon.They know that we know that they are fibbing but how do you prove and if you don't let them go you become cruella but most company HR policies say you need a doctors report if your illness goes past the first 2 days so if u ask for time off on Friday, you just managed to get yourself a 3 day weekend. You know what' s funny? I had planned to come in and shoot off early but with the smart ones beating me to it , i am stuck in the office for the rest of what promises to be a long day....

Before you think to try this next week, remember proverbs says a little sleep, a little slumber, a lifetime of poverty.

See ya later and remember God loves you everyday.

9ja men n Mojo

2007-10-19T05:11:00.001-07:00

Mojo is defined as whatever moves, antics , lines or lyrics or just generally effizy that makes a man successful in chasing women.Naija man have the best mojo in this world i tell you.

Case one: i met this guy who was chasing me..let's call him ....K.So one day he calls and i complained about having backache.After showing all the required concern etc,the next few days he calls me every few hours to ask about my back. He now decides that his concern was not enough and that he would send me a physiotherapist to come check my back out. I thought he was just mouthing until i get a call from the physio, Dr James asking when he could see my back. We book a session for Sunday and he arrives at the house with all his work tool...gels, creams, massage oils, electrodes, infrared lights etc.2 hour session fussing over a back that didn't merit all the attention but i was not complaining.

Or take, Mr.Mojo himself who said he we should go to a private beach.He comes to pick me with a picnic bag containing red wine,yogurt, chocolates, cookies,cupcake , gum but to mention.We go off to this quiet beach where we were the only ones .White sand, a few palm trees scattered about and this tree trunk lying near the shoreline. ...need i say we choose that as the spot to sit and talk .But then the foolishness, we sat backing the ocean cos of the spray from the waves and next thing i knew, we were covered from head to toe in salty water.Apparently a wave had gone overboard and came right to us spilling all our food, phones, camera etc. We were covered in sand and had to keep running up and down retrieving our items lest they got washed out sea.Trust me...he seemed glad that happened cos now it gives us funny memories to talk about.

Or take Mr. Moneymissroad who decided to hop on a plane and escort me out to my destination just for a chance to gist and no..he had no business in that town and just chartered a cab to another town when he couldn't get a return flight back to Lagos on arrival.

So give me a naija toaster anyday...they sure got mojo. Any mojo gist out there ladies? Share please.

Marion Jones and TGH

2007-10-16T05:46:00.000-07:00

It is with great shock and sadness that I watched the live confession Marion Jones , one of the greatest female artists of this century admit to taking drugs between 2000 and 2001. The 31 year old who won 5 medals at the Sydney Olympic-3 golds and 2 bronzes has had to return all of them to the Olympic committee. She admitted to receiving the drugs from San Francisco BALCO laboratory who has been involved in the scandal for apparently producing this designer drug tetrahydrogestrinone (TGH) or popularly called the clear because it doe not show up in doping tests.

TGH is has observed to be outstanding, surpassing, on a milligram per milligram basis, every known synthesized or commercial available anabolic steroid at the time of its development. It has also been seen to be around 10 times more potent than the comparison drugs nandrolone or trenbolone( na you know), and produces growth of muscle tissue.This drug was developed by Patrick Arnold and was unknown until 2003 when Trevor Graham anonymously tipped off the United States anti doping agency (USADA) and mailed a sample of the substance. Since then, several high profile athletes have been found guilty of using this steroid(oversabi...but u have to have full facts so i crave ur indulgence)

However, how can a drug so potent go unnoticed for so long? Is it a case where people have just turned a blind eye to ensure the sport receives the glory.Afterall it is a multi million dollar industry with sponsorships from major companies in the world for the top finishers. What would make an athlete who had a record of success in her carrier decide to use drugs at the peak of her career? Would it be put down to bad influence from her partner J C Hunter who had earlier tested positive for anabolic steroids before the Olympics? This is a woman who led her high school team in basketball once scoring 48 points in a single game. She also earned a scholarship to university of North Carolina and was the starting point guard during her freshman years leading the team to win the national title. This is a clear case of bad company corrupts good character. I guess she doesn't know Paul says in Philippians 4:13 that we can do all things though Christ who strengthens us and that includes winning the 100 meters race. I am sure she had a Christian upbringing and knows this. Truth be told, it can be hard to do the right thing sometimes specially when so much is at stake but I rather die trying than face the shame and disgrace of being caught out in a lie or deception.

I and a friend were talking about it and his opinion is that every athlete should be given drugs before the competition to ensure fairness. I beg to differ on that. Anyway, more gist later on less serious matters.

squish a boob,save a life

2007-10-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

I have breast lump....not one ,2 but about 3 or so. Now it appears most women i know now have cyst,fibroid, lump etc but trust me i could do with none of those. A friend asked me once if i was dating would i tell the guy i had a lump.I said i won't except we were talking about something relating to it, we got serious, then maybe i would. I really don't think it's a big deal or something to declare upfront.Do you say "oh, by the way i have lumps in my boobs and dance around quite a lot...just thought you should know". Besides, i believe fervently in God's word that by His stripes we are healed. The day i had it checked out was quite funny.I had a group of medics peering at my boobs and asking if they could feel it.Trust me, the last thing on my mind was self consciousness.I remember saying in my mind "squeeze away as long as you tell me afterwards i don't have cancer"

This is breast cancer month, a month where there is a strong awareness of breast cancer and the need for self examination(please note..note self fondling). Please spare a few minutes and check yourself out.Early detection increases the chances of survival.

And by the way, my lumps are benign. Praise God for his healing hands.

Robbers or Traffic?

2007-10-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

i can't believe how much i have changed in one year.It's just about one year since i moved from England to do a stint in Nigeria and everyone was always telling me how in a matter of months i would change and i kept arguing but sad to say,they are right on some issues.

Funny thing happened last week.I was getting ready to leave my office to an appointment i had on the island when we heard gunshots.Apparently armed robbers had just attacked a bank near my office and were trying to get away so they opened fire to clear the roundabout which is usually a bottle neck. I looked out the window which faces the road and saw people taking off from their cars, the security personnel in my compound ran into the different offices and in a matter of seconds the road was like a deserted town.Now the silly part, instead of me to take cover like everyone else, i ran to my driver and said to him to get in the car for us to head out as the road had cleared.So while others were running for cover, i was running into the madness just to avoid traffic.

Can u blame me?I lose about 4 hours everyday in traffic and trust me i was more afraid of it at that point than any robbers.After all, i have been attacked 3 times this year although they were minor attacks and i lost nothing but the truth is i have now accepted robbery as a trade in Nigeria.I would never write negative stuff about i country i came back to contribute to but it's sad that this is going unchecked. My friend's sister was robbed and she was told were to go and pay a fine to get her items back..imagine. She got there and saw a room full of laptops, phone, watches, handbags etc all taken from people. They now asked her to come back the next day as the boys who operated the night before had not submitted their goods...true story.

So is that not a clear case of ......, let me not finish that.It sure makes no sense to me who did it and i know this is new behaviour. Where something that dangerous now becomes acceptable.God save us.

Mrs.Omokorede The Pushy Mum -Typical Naija mum

2007-10-04T03:11:00.001-07:00

This cracks me up every time. I was speaking to my cousin yesterday and she is going through the same thing.Her folks want her to study pharmacy because she has an aunt in the states who did and is very wealthy whereas she wants to study computer engineering.The poor girl is distraught at the thought of doing a course she has no interest in.Why can't parents see the bigger picture and realise that there might be a calling on the child to study a particular course or tow a certain line? You can't teach a child to fly and tell them not to fly past your gate..how? I know their wisdom must count for something but there has to be middle ground. I have been trying for years to get a painting into Tate gallery without success(yea right...and my mum is from Morocco.i can't draw to save my life) and Funmi does effortlessly and all her mum can say is she wants to go teach her how get over her fear of blood. My kids can be anything they want to be as long as they still buy me the Bentley and a pad like the one below.

Babangida's house-Is this for real?

2007-10-04T01:35:00.001-07:00

If i had a home like this, i would never sit in here.It's just too.......grand. You know this belongs to a Nigerian ex president.God save us.That's where 70% of our oil money has gone. I bet no one uses this room. or you want to tell me someone actually sleeps on this bed at night.Lie lie lie....this is just for show..ends of.

i remember one time a few years ago i went to see a friend's brother in his pad at Uni.I have never seen a room so well kept and in sync. He asked me to sit on the bed as he had no chairs in the room and i was too scared to sit for fear of rumpling his sheet or getting anything out of place talk less of this room.I will just sit on the coach all night and stare.

Anyway, let me just keep looking and dreaming about owning a home like this one day through hard work and God's favour.Step one of faith...see it with the eye of faith. You know there is nothing wrong in craving wealth.It's just your motive that makes the difference.After all,God's own peops in the bible where blessed beyond measure.Solomon is still officially the richest man in the world till date.

Countdown to wedding

2007-10-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

My best mate is getting married on friday and i am maid of honour,first time ever.It's been months of planning, drama, stress, tears but it's finally here. I have just learnt from this whole experience that your wedding day has got zilch to do with you. It belongs to whichever of the parents lives in the town where the wedding would hold.

Like i keep telling her, the most important thing is that she's marrying the man she loves and at least she got to wear her dream dress.The whole train is red and it's got red trimmings all over....the look on her in-laws faces when they see the dress....priceless.I am getting me camcorder and camera set up just to catch that.Can't wait. Meanwhile, i am not quite sure i like my dress.It's supposed to be a show stopper but there's just something about it that's not quite warking for me like nana would say.Let's hope it's in my mind.It better be after the small fortune i spent on it. My consolation is that no be me dey marry so anyhow we go manage am..abi?

More gist when the wedding is done. Wish me luck so i don't trip and fall as i am so clumsy.

Sweep on hunk..sweep on

2007-09-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

okay..hang on.How did he manage to make sweeping so appealing? I got this off a friend who is on facebook. Apparently he was home on hols from the UK and his mum still asked him to sweep . His sister took this picture cos she wanted to scandalize him so instead of just shying away from it, he decided it might just score him a few points with the ladies.

Nigerian mums ...(bless them) are just so hilarious. No matter how grown you are, you have to conform to a certain extent. He looked like he was having fun though and that is the key. The word of God says train up a child in the way he should grow and when he is old,he would not depart from it.

He could have told his mum to sod off or just ignored her, picked his car keys and driven out but he chose to obey. You know the commandement"honour your parents so that you days would be long" is the only one that has a blessing attached.

Give me a Nigerian mum anyday.

Christians and emotions-Part 1

2007-09-28T02:08:00.000-07:00

I am a God fearing Christian, on fire for God and just loving every minute of my walk with God. One thing though, i have got to learn is patience and to stop rolling my eyes in exasperation at people. I have always been an expressive person and most people can hear what I think without me uttering a word...i just can't keep a poker face.

I’ll tell you what happened. I had this meeting in church to discuss certain initiatives we wanted to implement in our volunteer group. The week before, i had just been elected leader and even though i was reluctant to do it, i just believed it was a calling from God so i should not run away from it. Now there is this guy in the group who nominated me for this position (let's call him ITK). At every meeting ITK takes over the proceedings, never let's anyone get a word in or interrupts people in the middle of their sentences. He always has a solution for every problem we have, splits the house in 2 during the meeting and just generally drives me batty. I have had cause on multiple occasions to stop him in his track once he starts but he just does not get it. I really feel bad that i feel this way about it since we are all Christians and are united for a common goal within the church but i can't help the way i feel. Most time Christians just want to hide their emotions but it just lurks beneath the surface unresolved and I don’t want to be like that.

Do i address this issue privately with him or do i just pray for Patience from God to tolerate his excesses? Readers, what do you think?

TGIT

2007-09-27T08:52:00.000-07:00

My weekends start from Thursday. I don't care what anyone else thinks but truth be told most people's brains start shutting down on thursday.You can get into the office late on friday and very few eyebrows are raised, you get to wear whatever you like, you start receiving invites for events for the weekend and for most cities in the worl, the party animals start to crawl out from their work stations.

My social life went up a few notches since i came back to Nigeria.Weddings, barbeques, dinner, birthday gigs, concerts, etc.I have been invited to practically any worthwhile social event
this side of town ....don't ask why. First few months, it was absolute fun.Now, i am just jadded from it all.The same people at most of the events acting like they don't breathe oxygen. I am just really tired of it all.

All i just want to do is to curl up in bed for hours, read a book and watch my favourite serial 24 .....and daydream of when i would take a cruise on my yatch( yea....see it with the eye of faith) just beholding the beauty of God's creation,the world.

So for me is off to devour calamari at Saipan tonite!So much for being jadded from going out. Care to join me..

Being single in Nigeria

2007-09-26T09:41:00.001-07:00

Let’s talk about it ….being single in Nigeria above the age of 24 is like a social stigma

I went house hunting last week and had found this lovely 2 bedroom apartment a few house down the road i live in. I met the landlord, he seemed all okay with me renting his place until i meet his wife who coincidentally is not much older than me. First she starts asking questions about why I wanted a big flat to myself and what kind of friends I had etc etc etc. I even told her she could go get a character reference from the neighbors if that would make her happy and she had the nerve to say she wished my mum lived close by so she could ask. Summary, she refused to rent the place to me for that reason.

Next, I go for a job interview and meet the CEO of the company who amongst his first questions was to ask me why i was not married and that he had been advised by HR consultants to stay away from single girls as they were not very stable because they were not settled.

Or take the case of my aunty who told me that I may be under spiritual attack because I was fast approaching the big 30 and not married and that they were going to book special prayers on my behalf in church.

You get invites to events or people assume they can borrow you to run their own errand and when you complain about being busy, the always get the same answer about how busy can you be ,that what do you do with your free time since you were not married. There is just the general assumption that your time is not that important because you don't have that Mrs title attachd to it. Your 21 year cousin who is married is actually given more respect than you regardless of whatever acheivements you have in other areas of your life.

The time has come for people to realize that times have changed. Marriage is a good thing created by God for companionship and procreation but the truth is that with the rate of divorces in the world now, people should step back a minute and evaluate properly before they start pressurizing their friends or family members to say yes to the first man that asks or ask the first lady they meet. Current statistics prove that two in every three marriages in the world end in divorce with the unites states having the highest divorce rates in the world. Recent reports suggest that there is an increased mortality rate in fathers, mothers and children of divorces.

Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. A Friend says that people marry in the honey moon phase of their relationships. He says there are four phases every relationship must pass before it culminates in marriage. Stage one, honeymoon phase. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love or lust or whatever it is they falling into...sun appears to set on each other’s face blab bla bla. Stage two…Uncovering. They now start to see each other for who they truly can be or are by small manifestations and reactions to events or situations. This is the stage when they now start to realize they aint the perfect person they thought they had found. Stage three becomes the realization stage when you now know that the person is exactly as you have just seen in stage 2 .Then final stage…decision. Now this is where it can swing both ways. You either decide to live with what you have just discovered or move on swiftly. My friend. Let’s call him LD (that’s another story) believes people marry in phase one and I totally agree. Until you realize that that person Is a swine, doesn’t always shave or shower, drops their clothes on the floor and all the other things which can drive you batty but in spite of that, still brings a smile to your face, then you can’t be in love. Only and only when you have seen the worst of that person can you now make an objective decision really.

So to all those of you who would rather we are married without going through the cycle just for the chance to wear aso-ebi, spray money to show off and have another topic of gossip about who wore what or how the food was not nice….you better adjust your prayer points that the phases come and go quickly because glamazon is about to go through all of them right to the end…or would you rather have me move into your pad when it all goes kaput? Tell me!

i did it

2007-09-26T09:07:00.001-07:00

Halleluyah!..i finally did it.I have been saying i would start blogging since forever but today becomes tomorrow and then next tomorrow and you just realise another month has gone by but yes..now i have done it. I just hope i can still remember all the things i wanted to say on my blog but let's see how this goes.....

Welcome to my world...a world of drama, business, fashion. technology all rolled into one bundle to give u your's truly..Moi...Glamazon. Allow me to take you into my world, one episode at a time, one story at a time..

Sit back and enjoy the ride.